Because I Can't Say...

Because I can't say "I love you"...not yet.

Not because I don't.  I do. I want to...

say it.

But because I can't, I hope you know.

I hope you know by my laughter

when you draw lingering giggles from the

depths of my belly,

or by the involuntary broadening and lifting of my lips, and mouth, and cheeks, when your face, with its crooked smile, appears before me or in my mind, 

and the warmth of yearning spreads over

me like a lovingly worn blanket.

I hope you know when I am in your embrace and fall easily by your side into the place that feels carved out for me.  

I hope you know when I can't explain how I feel or how I know.  The knowing. 

The sense in which you have always been...

like a lovely poem read long ago and,

because of its beauty, etched in my

memory, comforting me in times of fear or loss.

Familiar, easy...quiet and gentle, 

but with a great strength which allows me

to rest.  

I hope you know, because I can't say

"I love you"...not yet.  

Not because I don't, 

because I do.  

XO

Joy

                      

The Long Way Home

It has been almost exactly three years since my last post! I don't exactly know what happened to my writing and posting...well, I do.  Two beautiful, busy teenage girls, two jobs and a household seemed to move the writing down the priority list...FAR down the priority list. So, to catch up, quickly, I'll try to fill you in. Since my last post:

My oldest graduated from high school
and went to college...

my youngest graduated
and went to college...

 

 

I started running...

 

...and lost 50 pounds, thank God!

 

AND, I got the most amazing opportunity to travel to Gallito, Peru on the Amazon River to work with these precious children...

 

 



I moved to a cute little house (pictures to follow) after the gorgeous, pre-war apartment I was living in burned (can't make this stuff up). I still work as a speech/language pathologist for our local county school system, but I am now based full time at an elementary school 5 blocks from my home.  Since I'm an empty-nester now, it has been nice to become part of the neighborhood and the school "family".  

 

So, there is the short and short of it.  My youngest daughter, Lydia, has said, at least a dozen times in the last few months, "Mom, you need to start blogging again."  I have wanted to, but have been a little unsure of how to start.  Well, I suppose this is how to start.  Take a step, put it down and..."click".

 

I'm looking forward to writing about all the things I have before and hopefully, sharing new ideas and experiences and, of course, sharing joy---for today.

 

XO

 

Joy

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 







 

 

Spring Fun

Well, it's how many months since my last post? Christmas seems a year ago, not just a few short months.  My girls have kept me crazy busy but I wouldn't want it any other way!

We've gone to speech tournaments where ultimately, Miss L won 1st place in the state and is now going to the National competition in Baltimore in May!

We've been across the state, Kentucky and North Carolina too to compete.

The divine Miss Em made ALL STATE choir

and our sweet Jerica had a sweet baby girl

So, yeah, it's been crazy. 

Last night was the opening to

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST where Miss L plays Chip the teacup!  Pics to follow soon!

Have you had a crazy, mixed up winter/spring?  I hope I'm not the only one!

Paintings, props and pretend

So, I'll admit it, Christmas has been kind of rough the last couple of years...  I know, and I hate to even whine about it because there are SO MANY people who have such difficult circumstances that I can't even, and never will imagine, and there are so many people who don't have what I DO have, but maybe my little thoughts will mean something...to someone....

Have you ever heard the phrase, "...off of a Norman Rockwell painting"?  

I've used that expression all my life because others did and it made sense.  I grew up in a Norman Rockwell painting, with Christmases like this

 and this

 and this

But what I'm really wondering is, did anyone ever feel like this?

I think we all probably did at some point.  I wonder if we pretended and painted on smiles when inside there was hurt and shame smoothed over and covered up by sparkly lights and glittery presents, good food and nice phrases?

  Why the mood 4 days before Christmas, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you, the funniest thing happened to me today that got me thinking about this very mood, this sad little funk I was in!

I saw a picture on a blog of an office I loved, I mean loved!.  You know, perfectly designed, warm yet functional, edgy yet useful, great accessories, pretty fabrics... so I went to pin it on Pinterest.  I couldn't find the original "owner" of the picture and wanted to give credit where credit is due, so I went back and back and back and back on each blog that tagged it until I found it's original owner and guess what?  It wasn't anyone's real office at all!  It was a picture taken from a blogger who does props and staging!  Isn't that hilarious?  Do you see what I see?  I was in love with something that wasn't even real!  It never was!  No one lives there, it was just a prop, a farce, a figment of my imagination!

So then I wonder...is that what all this "crying over spilt milk" is doing to me?  All this "those were the days", "things were happier then" thoughts I've been processing for the last week? Have they led me to discover that we all probably live in paintings, props and pretend?  

So when does this post get cheerful you ask?  Right now!  Because in all of that, here's what I remembered and rediscovered...(thank God!)....

                                                          Christmas isn't now, and never was about how I feel or really even who I'm with..  It's always and forever about the very person my Norman-Rockwell-painting-or-not dad and mom and grandmother always and diligently taught me to remember in this season:

                                                         Jesus

                                the Christ-child,
                                    the One who though came as a child,
                                         was purposed to

                                                        "bind up the brokenhearted, (MY broken heart!)
                                                        to proclaim freedom for the captives
                                                        and release from darkness for the prisoners,

   

                                                        to bestow on them a crown of beauty  instead of ashes,
                                                        the oil of joy instead of mourning, (MY mourning!)
                                                        and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair..."
                                                                                                                    Isaiah 61

And it doesn't end there.  HE SHALL BE CALLED

                                              Wonderful Counselor

                                                                                Mighty God

                                                                                                    

                                                                                                  Everlasting Father

                                                                                                                                  Prince of Peace

Norman Rockwell or not...

Merry, merry, sweet merry Christmas!

Style NOT "Lack"ing!

Do you all own one of these?

Ikea's Lack Side Table

I do.  Okay, maybe one...or two...
In my attempts to downsize I was thinking of getting rid of them, that is until I saw THIS post at Apartment Therapy!  Just look at these incredible "Lack Hacks"...

Apartment Therapy

Apartment Therapy

 I'm totally doing this--

Apartment Therapy

 And what a great idea for a kitchen island

Apartment Therapy

At 9.99, I think you cant' go wrong!

Do any of you have a Lack?

Do you ALDI?

DO YOU SHOP AT ALDI?

If the answer is "no", AND you're answering with a little turned up nose and snooty-faced brow, then shame on you! (Well, not really, I used to feel the same way about Aldi, but NOT ANYMORE!)

Who couldn't stand to save a buck or two...or three, or four?  I have been shopping there somewhat consistently for the past year or so.  For the last couple of months, since school started back, I've found myself abandoning my dear, sweet Aldi for more convenient choices on the end of town I find myself more often...Kroger.  Now don't get me wrong.  I love Kroger.  Heck, Kroger is like the Nordstrom of grocery stores for someone in my area, and for someone like me that loves to cook!  But, if I could just remember to get myself together every week and go to Aldi, I save so. much. money!

The lastest buy from Aldi is salt and pepper grinders (yesterday)...$1.29 a piece...that's with the sea salt and peppercorns in the grinders!  You just can't beat it! Holidays are an especially good time to go there. They have some great deals on baking stuff!

I have one friend who is afraid to go there to shop and another who swears by it!  (Friend #2 knew a manager at our local Aldi and he swears that many of the products are the same exact  products that we buy in fancy packaging.)  My favorite is when they have special buys like UNO frozen pizzas for $5!

yummo!  And, they sell random things...I bought a handheld mixer there once that's the bomb!

I will say, I haven't bought fresh meat there, but I have bought frozen chicken breast several times---not a bit of difference!  I know, I need to challenge myself and try. (Admittedly, a few things I've bought I didn't love, but hey, that's where Kroger comes in!  ANYWAY, here's a list of things I do get at ALDI and they have been consistent or even better than consistent with large chain grocery store items:

flour

sugar: white, brown, powdered

cake mixes (for chocolate cupcakes)

pudding mix
spices

OLIVE OIL---love Aldi's brand

Canola oil

sour cream

milk
creme

eggs                                                                   

block cheese
cream cheese
fresh mozerella

PITA CHIPS---I mean, the best in the world!

toilet paper

paper towels

baggies

garbage bags

frozen fruit

light bulbs

cleaners

bag salad

seasonal fruit/veggies

canned goods: chili beans, diced tomatoes, soups
broths

dry pasta

tortillas

PITA CHIPS---I mean, the best in the world!

I'm sure I'm forgetting something!  So here's the challenge:  Go to Aldi, see what you can do and compare your receipt!   You'll feel great. By the way, a few things to remember:

                     You will need a quarter to get a cart (no big deal, you get your quarter back when  

                     you return it!)

                     You must take your own bags (plastic, reuseable, whatever!)

                     They only take CASH and DEBIT cards.

P.S.  you can go right to the ALDI website HERE to see weekly specials, special buys, etc.



longing

I've been thinking of my dad a lot (more than incredibly a lot, the normal amount) the last few days; just a few days from today will mark two years since he's been--gone.  I keep trying to think of a better word than gone, because he's not, not really.  Gosh, I miss his voice and his big ol' hands and his impromptu play-by-play at football games and our conversations about politics and how I could just pick up the phone and say, "Did you just see that? or him? or what he said?" I think 1000 times a day there's something that is said, happens, thought or felt that links me back to him.  Today on Pinterest, I saw this quote.  My dad said something like this to me once when I was a heartbroken teenage girl  and I've never forgotten it.  Maybe he was re-quoting, or maybe, quite possibly, he was just that wise...

I'm so glad he'll never be gone...