Because I Can't Say...

Because I can't say "I love you"...not yet.

Not because I don't.  I do. I want to...

say it.

But because I can't, I hope you know.

I hope you know by my laughter

when you draw lingering giggles from the

depths of my belly,

or by the involuntary broadening and lifting of my lips, and mouth, and cheeks, when your face, with its crooked smile, appears before me or in my mind, 

and the warmth of yearning spreads over

me like a lovingly worn blanket.

I hope you know when I am in your embrace and fall easily by your side into the place that feels carved out for me.  

I hope you know when I can't explain how I feel or how I know.  The knowing. 

The sense in which you have always been...

like a lovely poem read long ago and,

because of its beauty, etched in my

memory, comforting me in times of fear or loss.

Familiar, easy...quiet and gentle, 

but with a great strength which allows me

to rest.  

I hope you know, because I can't say

"I love you"...not yet.  

Not because I don't, 

because I do.  

XO

Joy